Hours after publishing this entry, Águeda added a reflection about how she feels after each request for healing: “After these healing attempts, I say to myself: ‘I’m not trying anymore’ because I’m left disappointed. It happened to me in Santiago de Compostela, in Santo Toribio de Liébana, Rome, the Holy Land, Lourdes, Fátima, Garabandal, San Giovanni Rotondo, and a few healing Masses.”
Despite the disappointments, Águeda finds meaning in accepting to be an apostle in her condition, but longing for physical recovery: “I understand that if I do not desire with all my being to be healed, my offering of being an apostle of suffering would have little value.”
“It’s like the death of Jesus; without Gethsemane it would seem less. That’s why I will never stop trying,” she concludes.