Why singleness is not a vocation

Is singleness a vocation? Does the single person live a frustrated vocation? Can God call some to remain single? Priests who are experts in marriage and family reflect on this question and on the innate and fundamental vocation: the vocation to love.

Being single is not a vocation… Why?

Father Juan de Dios Larrú, president of the Person and Family Associationdedicated to training, research and social promotion on marriage and family, affirms that singleness “is not a vocation.”

In conversation with ACI Prensa, he explained that “there is a vocation to love. We are all called to love. Obviously, this vocation to love is declined for each one in a specific modality: marriage or virginity. Strictly speaking, there is no vocation to singleness.”

Given this, the also Professor of Fundamental Morals and Christian Life, Vice Dean of the Faculty of Theology of the San Dámaso University and Director of the Spanish Journal of Theology, warned that there are two dangers: “The first is to interpret love as an intense attraction. emotional towards another person; and, the second, understanding the vocation as a job, a function that God entrusts to us and that we have to fulfill.”

The term vocation, he added, “is always linked to love” and therefore “all of life is a vocation, because we are called to be loved and to love.”

He pointed out that being children of God “is the fundamental and permanent experience of the vocation to love,” while specifying that “the vocation is always a gift and a divine initiative to which man responds” and that, as God has given us loved first, “being loved and loving is possible in the encounter with others, in the encounter with Christ in an absolutely unique way.”

“Since creation, it is not good for man to be alone. “God does not call man to solitude but to communion, to holiness, as the perfection of love,” he expressed.

Father José Noriega, who was a professor at the Pontifical John Paul II Institute for the Sciences of Marriage and Family, also told ACI Prensa that “the call involves a state that is left to enter another that is called.”

The priest of the Disciples of the Hearts of Jesus and Mary Congregation, who rules out that “there is a vocation to singleness,” stated that “it is necessary to place oneself in the baptismal vocation,” since “that is the call.”

“And there are other calls in it. But singleness is not a call, but rather a stay in the state that Baptism gives. It would contradict that ‘it is not good for man to be alone,’” he clarified.

However, although it is not a vocation, Father Larrú emphasized that “every baptized person is a member of the body of Christ and is irreplaceable and unrepeatable.”

Therefore, “a single person can contribute something unique and very valuable to the life of the Church in so many facets and occasions that life offers us. “Through the gifts that each person receives and the actions they perform, they build up the Body of Christ, which is the Church.”

Does the single person live a frustrated vocation?

A person can remain single due to multiple life circumstances. But “God leaves no stone unturned, he has a plan for each one and we can all live a fruitful life,” said Father Larrú.

“God leads us to holiness through unexpected paths and, therefore, this person does not have to experience it as a frustration or a failure,” he stated.

For the priest, what produces this frustration “is the lack of response or commitment, the fear of responding or living a comfortable life,” something that “can happen to anyone.”

Anguish – he continued – “never comes from being single, but from a wrong way of living and approaching life, moving away from the perspective of gift and gratuitousness in which every man must conceive his existence. The single person has no reason for anguish, but rather for gratitude and the joy of being called to happiness.”

The Spanish priest sends a clear message to those singles who live in distress: “The first thing I would tell them is that they are already living their filial vocation. The suffering of those who see how the years go by and do not fulfill the spousal promise of their vocation is understandable, but God promises each one of us a full love, to which we gradually respond, without anguish or fear.

“This plan is not pre-established from the beginning of time to be fulfilled no matter what. No, God loves us first and, in the fabric of life, that response is woven, in dialogue with the Lord and with others. That is why we must be attentive, to recognize His presence in human mediations and to be able to realize the promise of love forever.”

Furthermore, he warned that “one has a vocation for marriage when he has fallen in love with a specific person. You cannot say ‘I have a calling for marriage, but I have not yet found the right person’. We cannot think: ‘God will tell me who is the chosen one’, because things do not work that way. “That person is not a minor detail, but is the essence of the vocation to love.”

He also reiterated that “one does not choose to fall in love, but it is something that happens. To mature in love towards true love, the mediation of others is necessary. In this way I learn to live not from my desire, but from the relationship that calls me to live a greater love. In this transition from falling in love to love, we go from living with another to living for another.”

Can God call some to remain single?

“There are people who can be single. So we can ask ourselves: can the vocation to love be realized at this juncture? I think so, of course. There are many ways of living life that allow such people to fulfill their calling. Because God has a plan for each one; “No one is here by chance and the call to love is at the root of our existence,” explained Father Larrú.

He also specified that “our entire life is a love story between God and us; This also goes for singles. We are all children, so filial experience is our first and main vocation. “Singles can live this call to love from their affiliation.”

As for those who wish to marry and start a family, he noted “that the desire for communion is universal. Benedict XVI said that every man has the desire for a house, a home, but what happens? This wish must be realized.”

“Today we live in a great crisis of promise and temporality. Young people find it very difficult to enter into relationships, into strong and stable bonds. It is not enough to project oneself onto ideal people or relationships, because no one really fits into that.”

Furthermore, he defended that “the figure of Prince Charming must be demystified. They do not exist; There are specific people, with qualities and defects. “You don’t have to idealize anyone, but rather learn to promise,” he asserted.

How can you live being single in a correct way?

The way to correctly live singleness like any other situation in life is, as the priest explained, “from self-acceptance, and from love for God and others as Christ teaches us in the Gospel.”

“Life is always full of opportunities for maturation and growth that we must know how to take advantage of to become better people every day,” said Father Larrú.

He added that single people “of course” can have a fruitful life, since “the original human experience to which God has called us is that of being children. From there we aspire to be husbands and fathers.”

“Fecundity is the superabundance of full love and they can also experience this fullness. True love is always fruitful. And this love makes it possible for a single person to take care of his parents, his grandparents, his nephews…, or help in the catechesis of the parish, or in an NGO as a volunteer, to be a great professional… That’s how it is. “You can fully live filial love and have a very concrete fruitful life.”

“Married couples discover that in continence there is also a mysterious fertility; the priests in celibacy, the religious in virginity for the Kingdom. Fertility has its origin in the Holy Spirit and finds its first source in the painful mystery of the Cross and in the glorious mystery of the Resurrection,” he stated.

Finally, Father Larrú highlighted the role that spouses play. “Married couples that live from the love they receive from God and communicate it become a living and credible testimony. That has a great power of attraction.”

“When you meet someone who lives their vocation radiating joy, enthusiasm, hope… That attracts young people. This testimony is very important so that others can follow their own vocational path, so that they can say: I want to live like this,” he concluded.