Question: I come from a very perfectionist and competitive family where maximum performance was required. I appreciate that teaching but today, at 72 years old and with two bypasses, I wonder if all this was worth it. I hope I have been different with my children. (Teodoro Zarlenga, from Quilmes)
Most people are stimulated from childhood to improve their own performance and thus, they are then corrected in the way they eat, behave, excel in school, in sports.
It is common for parents to believe that if their children work hard they will achieve success. For some, not only the effort is enough, but What they do must be perfect: get 10 on all exams, hand in assignments without errors, play soccer perfectly, excel at everything.
Research conducted by the American Psychological Association (2018) showed that Perfectionism in adults has increased markedly since the 1980swhich was attributed to the influence of social networks when measuring and comparing the degree of success of each.
Perfectionism is the disposition to consider unacceptable everything that is not ideal. Therefore, it implies running after unattainable goals, since everything that is done could be done better, which is why expectations are never satisfied by the results obtained.
Perfectionism must be distinguished from the healthy pursuit of excellence, which motivates many talented people.
Because their goals are beyond reason, perfectionists they compulsively strive for impossible goalsand they measure their self-valuation according to their results and productivity.
Never perceiving his efforts as sufficient, they are incapable of feeling satisfactionunlike those who find pleasure in doing the best they can without needing to be perfect, are satisfied with their efforts, even when the results leave some room for improvement.
As Aristotle said: “We are not perfect, but we are perfectible.”
The three types of perfectionists
Canadian psychologists P. Hewitt and G. Flett described three types of perfectionists.
The first, with respect to himself, is self-imposed, it is difficult for him to accept his limitations and mistakesresulting in an individual with a high level of self-criticism and dissatisfaction.
The second is the one who expresses his demands towards others, so cannot delegate tasks to others since he does not trust them to do things the way he would do them. Because of the expectations they place on others, they are prone to anger and accusations against others.
The third type arises from the exaggerated belief that others expect great results from himpresupposing that to obtain the approval and appreciation of others you must achieve your proposed objectives.
Perfectionists are often victims of what Karen Horney called the “tyranny of shoulds.”
Common examples: “I should be the perfect father (or teacher, or husband)”; “I should never get angry”; “should always do the right thing”; “I should always know the exact answer.”
Actually, perfectionists have little compassion for themselvesthey are harshly self-critical, excessive when evaluating themselves and identifying what they do with who they are.
Perfectionism can cause insomnia, marked tension, irritability and may be a risk factor for producing or maintaining disorders such as depression, anxiety, psychosomatic alterations, obsessions, among other possible ones.
