Question: For years I made great efforts to hide my homosexuality. He lived in fear of being discovered, of making excuses or imagining answers. Today I recognize the useless effort I made and the absurdity of my fears. (Teodoro Simonelli, from CABA)
Keeping a secret (something that is hidden or has a deliberate invisible existence) involves a significant effort that can be harmful to health depending on its content, the length of time it is kept and the emotional meaning it implies for the person.
In order to conceal this double life – of exposure and concealment -, the mind activates an order every so often and automaticallyto make sure you don’t forget that hiding goal.
The consequence is that the psyche revolves around the hidden information, in a continuous rumination on it, which involves a waste of energy that can be exhausting since it is necessary to constantly evaluate what can and cannot be said, how to do it, in front of whom, whether someone may suspect it or not, and with the continuous worry of making a mistake that releases what is hidden due to distracted carelessness.
It is different to keep a secret – which implies tension – than to keep information in the private sphere, something legal and that does not generate stress. For example, not saying how much you earn is a private matter while hiding an addiction or infidelity can carry another emotional burden.
Keeping a secret generates harmful chronic stress since the brain is in a permanent state of alert to prevent that information from coming to light.
What consequences can it have on health?
This produces a significant increase in the levels of the hormone cortisol, which will result in emotional consequences -anxiety, fear, depression- or physical, with cardiovascular, immunological or gastrointestinal repercussions.
Some secrets are harmless and do not cause discomfort, but others are harmful if they generate a serious internal conflict or there is constant fear of negative judgment from others.
The secrets that require a greater effort of emotional control are those that are significant for the individual, contradict their ethics due to content that is considered negative or may be socially harmful.
Some secrets are hidden out of shame and others out of guilt. In the former, the experience is “I am a bad person” and They are accompanied by feelings of devaluation, guilt or helplessness; In the latter, there is a tendency to think “I did something bad”, with remorse and anxiety about what was done.
Those who feel ashamed often get hurt or suffer from different mental health problems, while those who feel guilty tend to lie, deceive or betray the trust of others.
Some research shows interesting findings. For example, the reaction expected from the people to whom the secret was confessed was not as drastic as expected; That is to say, there seems to be a tendency to exaggerate the possible consequences of this concealment.
In other words, responses to a negative judgment tend to be lower by those who receive the information. Another verification was that The revelation of the secret, on the contrary, usually even has an effect opposite to that expected.since it increases the perception of honesty and trust on the part of the listener.
This occurs because the confessor focuses on the content of the message while the listener considers the positive traits that revealing it implies: bravery, confidence and honesty.
