Javier Soldevilla and Paola Abad have traveled together a 29 -year marriage, but it was 21 years ago when their relationship took a definitive turn when integrating God as the pillar of their union.
From your experience within the community of International Remathis marriage shared with ACI Press, on the eve of Valentine’s Day 2025, six essential tips to build a solid love based on faith in Christ.
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1. Authenticity from the beginning of the relationship
One of the most common mistakes in relationships is to hide aspects of one’s personality for fear of not being accepted, they say. Paola explains it clearly: “Sometimes we ” marquee ‘so much that we hide what we believe is bad, but that eventually comes to light. It is essential to be authentic from the beginning and allow the other person to love us for who we really are. ”
Javier reinforces this idea by pointing out that many couples begin to discover fundamental differences when they have already formalized their relationship: “The typical phrases appear: ‘You never told me that’, ‘You never shared this.’ Then reproaches and damage begin. Being transparent is very important. ”
In addition, Paola emphasizes that authenticity allows to build a sincere and without masks: “When one is shown as it is, it gives the opportunity to really love, not by an idealized version.”
2. Talk about God and faith from the beginning
Faith should not be a taboo subject in the relationship. “Many times what moves couples is the vision that each one has about the presence of the Lord in the relationship,” explains Javier. And he adds that it is key that both members of the couple share their vision of God and spiritual life, because this can avoid future problems.
Paola also reflects on the importance of talking clearly from the beginning: “If you do not share it from the beginning, you realize that it is not the right person. And suddenly you were deceived. From the beginning we must share our values. ”
Javier adds: “If God is in the center of your life, how will it not be in the center of your relationship? If you don’t talk about him from the beginning, sooner or later it will be a topic of conflict. ”
3. Loving decision and not based only on feelings
Both recalled that true love is not just about passing emotions, but a constant commitment. “Loving is not just loving someone when it makes you happy, but also when things get complicated,” said Paola.
The marriage highlighted the importance of knowing tools that help consolidate the relationship, as training programs for couples. “Do not wait for a problem to just intervene and save the relationship,” he adds.
Javier stressed: “Love is a decision that is made every day. You will not always feel the same, but if you decide to love, you will find a way to move on. ”
4. Dialogue and respect each other
Catholic marriage remembers that respect is a fundamental pillar in any relationship. Javier emphasized that “when in a relationship is lacking respect, although at first it may seem without importance, unfortunately, who does it once can repeat it.” Therefore, they consider that it is crucial to establish from the beginning a communication based on respect and tolerance.
In addition, it is key to learn to dialize without disqualifying the other. “We are accustomed to qualifying people when they do not do what we want. But in a discussion, it is important to speak with respect and express how we feel without hurting the other, ”says Paola.
He also stressed the importance of active listening: “Many times we discuss and not to understand. If we take the time to really listen to the other, the conversation changes. ”
5. Look for help when necessary
No couple is exempt from difficulties, and recognizing that help is needed is a sign of maturity. “Sometimes we believe we can solve everything alone, but seeking support is a great help,” said Javier. In the Church, both pointed out, couples can find guidance in priests, friends or communities that share their faith.
Paola remembers that, even in the most difficult moments, God has the power to transform any relationship: “Our marriage changed radically when we stopped trying to solve everything on our own and put God in the center.”
Javier reinforces this idea with an invitation: “Do not wait to be on the edge of the abyss to seek help. There are many tools that can strengthen their relationship before problems become great. ”
6. Live chastity in preparation for authentic love
According to Javier and Paola, chastity is a topic often misunderstood, but fundamental in the construction of a healthy relationship and based on true love. They stressed that living chastity before and within the marriage strengthens the link and allows love to grow with solid bases. “Chastity is not only a resignation, but a gift that allows us to know each other better and love more deeply,” explains Paola.
Javier adds that chastity helps “to put in order the affections” no longer to get carried away only by physical attraction: “If you base your relationship on attraction and desire, when passion decreases, what will remain? On the other hand, if you build on respect, friendship and faith, love will be much stronger. ”
In addition, they stressed that chastity teaches to dominate impulses and to put love over the emotions of the moment. “It’s not just about waiting until marriage, but to learn to love with delivery and respect, without seeking to use the other to meet personal needs,” Paola said.
Javier concludes with an encouraging message: “Living chastity is not easy in a world that tells us otherwise, but when God is the center, He gives us the grace to achieve it and experience a much more full love.”
A constantly growth love
Despite the challenges they have faced, Paola and Javier today claim to be living a strengthened marriage in God and in constant work. “Now we are in a relationship in which we continue to grow, and we also seek to share with other marriages what God has allowed us to find,” Paola concluded.
International Remathe Catholic ministry to which they belong, is dedicated to the formation, accompaniment and reconciliation of couples and families, strengthening spiritual life and promoting relationships centered on God. Through talks, retreats and counseling, Rema seeks to help couples to grow in love and faith, providing them with tools to overcome the challenges and crisis times.
Diego López Marina
I was born in 1991. I have a degree in Communication Sciences. Since 2015 I work as a digital journalist. I started my career in the newspaper El Comercio in Peru. In 2016, I began as editor in ACI Press and I perform as a web editor since 2018. From 2024, I write the Newsletter for Social Media. I specialize in Catholic news focused on the defense of life and family, international politics, technology, popular culture and the Vatican.