In recent years, the number of young adults who openly express their decision not to have children, a position that could be interpreted as An answer to cultural and social changes that have been created during the last decades.
Many of these young people grew in environments where freedom of choice was one of the fundamental pillars of their education.
Paradoxically, who promoted this spirit of freedom and Rupture with pre -established canons -Sus own parents- are now those who, in silence, lament the loss of a role they will never play.
“I raised her to be free, to take the way to make her happier. Now I must continue supporting your decisions, Even if I get wrong with not becoming a grandmother”, Reflects Andrea, mother of a 35 -year -old woman delivered to her professional rise.
“For many years I keep for my future grandchildren A pair of hand -woven bags by my mother, two stuffed animals and some of the books that my children liked the most when they were small, ”confesses Monica, 60.
Is it usual for families to keep clothes, toys or books for grandchildren who have not been born yet? In truth, Monica understands that this legacy of objects loaded with emotion and memories, is One way to plan your grandmothera planning that began when their children were still children.
For her, as for many adults over 50, 60 or 70, the desire to be grandparents is A kind of emotional “goal” that remains latent until the arrival of the first grandson.
However, Monica intuits that His desire to live an old age in a family with many grandchildrenmaybe never come true.
“Every time I play the theme of my desire to be grandmother, my two children evade the subject. I begin to believe that I have to get the idea that It is very possible that grandchildren, maybe, never arrive. When I think I will not be grandmother, I feel great sadness, ”he admits.
High expectation
The sadness referred to by Monica, was described by others consulted with words such as “emptiness” or “frustration”, because for some older adults the possibility of not being grandparents is a painful fact: “To some extent, grandfatherly sometimes he responds to an expectation of a very dear role, of much affection, where The elderly person gets involved with a childnot from the obligation, but rather from affection, and all this generates that this role becomes a possibility of joy, fun, enjoyment -explains Ricardo Iacub, a doctor in psychology and specialist in psychology of the elderly and old age-. So, what we can think is that if we have many cases today in which this idea of being a grandfather dilates or appears as far away, We can see that one of the perhaps most socially anticipated roles disappears. And we also keep in mind that in old age there are not so many expected roles. ”
Does the desire to become grandparents reflect a genuine yearning, or is it simply The result of social impositions who mold expectations about the role of grandparents in the family?
According to Ricardo Iacub, “our desires are always contaminated or influenced by social expectations, so this expectation of being a grandfather is not built only from what we are asked, but also of what we want in A moment of life where there are no such specific rolesor where the fact of not being busy with work, for example, generates that people turn more to affections, feelings, enjoy that are much more concrete and everyday. ”
Live the experience
While not all adults embrace the idea of becoming grandparents, statistics on population aging They indicate that many of those who do wish, could not live that experience.
According to Dr. Margarita Murgieri, consulting specialist in Geriatrics and Master in Applied Social Gerontology, In recent years there was a structural change in the familysince “the traditional thing were multigenerational families (grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren and great -grandchildren) when two generations of older people are frequently observed aging together, with or without children.”
This change in the classic family format is increasingly visible and palpable, and is intimately linked to population aging and the decrease in the global fertility rate.
“In our country, the fertility rate went from 2.1 in 2001, to 1.4 in the 2022 census, that is, it is below what is called replacement levels, which means that the population is decreasing and, as opposed, His average age has been increasing in the last time”, Explains the specialist.
“The increase in life expectancy without disabilities, a phenomenon that has been observing – affairly – in different countries, means that people can be grandparents in better health; but The decrease in fertility determines that many over 50 years will not have grandchildren. This can cause them a feeling of lack of projection and transcendence in future generations, ”says Dr. Murgieri.
However, Murgieri’s approach goes much further, because the structure of smaller and grandchildren families can lead to another problem than even more serious: loneliness.
Loneliness is a feeling and a state that is given great importance in countries such as Japan or Spain, for the vital consequences it generates.
In the book Without grandchildren by Marta Aguilar, she clearly expresses her feelings: “At this point in my life I also cry for the futurefor its inescapable consequences (a life without grandchildren), ‘for knowing that I have to die alone’. When there are few in the family, when children have not had or when grandchildren will not have, not only the fear of ‘Who will take care of me?’ but that of ‘I’m going to die alone?’ It is an issue that in a large number of cases transcends the elderly, but at this stage it is very frequent and is very dangerous. ”
Redirect energy
Everything is part of the same phenomenon. Accept that the role of grandfather marks in people will not be assumed The beginning of a process that forces to redirect energytime and expectations towards other aspects of life.
“When older people can think of themselves as ‘non -grandparents’, they organize their lives in relation to other more personal premises, that is, to study, leave or do more activities with friends. There is a lot of scientific evidence that supports that People who begin to do activities such as university programs for seniors, exits or trips, have a great timeAnd even, sometimes, better than taking care of grandchildren. The issue is that certain investigations do not take into account that fun, joy sometimes does not give the same security offered by affections, ”says Dr. Iacub with detail.
“People usually focus on many sides to look for the resources they need to make the duel of what is no longer, from a pet that can have a very rich and privileged place at certain times, even the friends who are the great architects of The new old age. When they manage to find that difference between the yearning and reality, Clear and useful objectives find To discover goals that make sense of life, ”concludes the specialist.
