How “destructive divorces” affect children

Divorce is a situation in which a series of losses overlap: of the couple themselves, of normal family life, of friends and relatives who remain on one side or the other and, especially, the loss of a life project that had been designed. Consequently, it often involves a traumatic situation for both the couple and the children.

There are couples who can divorce on good terms and try to protect their children from their conflicts, while others, on the contrary, They involve them and place them in the center of the battle, without paying attention to their needs or the suffering that separation from parents usually implies.

Divorce in itself does not constitute a source of pathology in childhood, but it is the continuous fight between parents that damages children inexorably.

In what can be called a “destructive divorce,” permanent fights and litigation occur, the couple’s conflict prevails over the care of the children., there are endless discussions, people look for blame (without being able to accept mutual responsibilities), there are no intentions of reaching any agreement, there is an attempt to denigrate or destroy the other. For some of those who separate, the bitterness, resentment and anger are so powerful that they do not actually finish separating and cannot move on with their lives. In this war, children are neglected and unprotected.

In 1985, the American psychiatrist Richard Gardner, while acting as a party expert in a controversial divorce (Grieco vs. Scott case), was the one who described for the first time what he called Parental Alienation Syndrome, pointing out “a disorder that arises in the context of disputes over the care and custody of children. The phenomenon results from the combination of the systematic indoctrination of one of the parents and the child’s own contributions aimed at transforming one parent into a villain by the other, the objective of this denigration campaign.

A campaign of offense and discredit is generated against one of the parents, which results from the combination of a systematic indoctrination by one of them against the other and the own contributions of the child who, due to weakness or loyalty towards one of his parents, participates in discredit the other parent. That is to say, It is a process by which a parent transforms the consciousness of his or her children through different strategies, with the aim of preventing, hindering or destroying the bond with the other parent. leading the child to hate and reject a parent whom he would really need.

The parent who “programs” the child to cause the destruction of the bond with the other can cause severe consequences, in the present and in the future.

In children damaged in this way, the most frequent consequences tend to be: low self-esteem; depression; feelings of guilt; alcohol or drug addiction; loss of confidence; eating disorders; conflicts with their own children in adulthood and greater future likelihood of divorce.

On June 18, 2018, in Geneva, the WHO placed this condition in the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), thus taking an important step to protect children from abnormal parental conflicts and facilitate the task. of the lawyers.