Faith in the face of perinatal grief: Heaven became more evident to us than ever

On the occasion of the International Day of Gestational and Perinatal Grief, the specialized funeral home Sailing He organized a colloquium in which faith emerged naturally.

This was confirmed by Olatz and José Manuel, who last year saw their son Jaime die at 11 weeks of gestation. After verifying that he had no heartbeat, the doctors gave them pills to cause the baby to be expelled at home.

The dramatic situation raised a question in his heart: “Now what do I do with my son’s body? I’m not going to throw it away.” José Manuel explained how, upon seeing his son, he began to cry, got down on his knees and kissed him. “All my paternity was activated,” he confessed.

The planned process is “disheartening”, because what is expected is that the son’s body will go directly to the pipes. However, with the help of En Vela, Jaime had a funeral.

Thanks to them, this couple found that “heaven became more apparent to us than ever.” Furthermore, his six living children—they have two more in heaven—“learned that evil exists, but that it is not the last word.”

A dignified burial

Diana Herrera has conceived ten children, seven of whom are still living. The last of them died at nine weeks of gestation and they undertook an administrative and legal battle to bury him with the dignity he deserves.

One of the most important struggles was to get his name, Mateo Sebastián, and not “remains of Diana Herrera’s fetus” to appear, which cost him a lot, until he found someone to certify its existence.

Unlike the other two children who died, this last one led the marriage to a “transformation”, in Diana’s words: “It led us to ask for forgiveness, to cleanse past wounds and unclosed duels”, among other things. It was also an important lesson for his children, about “respect for human life.”

This process has also meant “a vote of confidence. We have trusted in Providence,” added Diana, who also had the advice of En Vela.

“My wound is my treasure”

Belén and Dale married at an age when fertility begins to be more difficult. 16 years ago, they conceived their son Cosme. They gave them the bad news in an aseptically, inhumane way, and told them that they had to go to the hospital a few days later to perform a curettage. “I accepted it assuming that ‘this is what it is,’” Belén explained.

So she almost didn’t share her feelings with her husband and, although her last thought was “where is my son going?”, that remained buried in her heart for years. That was until three years ago he heard a phrase that changed his perspective: “My wound is my treasure.”

Now, Belén accompanies other women who go through this ordeal as a volunteer at the En Vela funeral home.

“Each one has his name, his story, his life”

Inés and Jorge are a young couple who have witnessed the death of their four children. With the fourth, Lázaro, they had a different experience. He died during Inés’ hospital stay for a medical reason unrelated to the pregnancy.

When the doctors saw them crying together for them, the doctors’ treatment changed: “Before, I was the patient and the doctors spoke to me. When our son died, they began to speak to us in the plural,” Inés described.

“Our son’s name was written in the discharge report,” they recalled, which represented “a recognition that did not happen with the previous ones.”

“I’m like any mother. I love talking about our children. Each one has their name, their story, their life,” said Inés, despite the pain of the loss.

Being like the Virgin at the foot of the Cross

Patricia and Manuel had been trying to get pregnant for four and a half years. In one of the ultrasounds, they saw that the child “moved a lot,” which is why it was all the more surprising that, just five days later, on their first visit to the hospital where they were going to give birth, they were told the bad news.

“It was a huge blow,” Patricia described. When they told the gynecologist of their intention to preserve the body so they could give it a burial, “they were shocked,” very surprised.

For his part, Manuel shared that this circumstance “hurts a lot, it takes something away from you, it destroys you. It takes away a part of your life that will not return.” And in the midst of this disconsolation, he found the example of the Virgin Mary at the foot of the Cross: “The Virgin did not say to Jesus ‘it doesn’t hurt that much’, she was just there.”