Synod of Synodality: These dads and moms participate

Parents juggle time differences, missed birthdays and unexpected homework calls while helping chart a future course for the Church at the Synodality Synod.

Earlier this month, Maria Sabov received an unexpected video call from her 9-year-old son Pavlo while she was in an important meeting. He needed help with his homework.

The 37-year-old mother of three quickly answered her son’s questions about her native language, Ukrainian, and then returned to work as a voting member of the Synodality Synod in Rome.

“My fellow delegates in the Paul VI Hall joked that there is no respite from parental responsibilities, not even for a synod,” Sabov shared with the National Catholic Register.

This is a reality that Sabov does not experience alone. In a notable first for a Synod of Bishops, 26% of the 368 voting members of the Synod are not bishops. Among these 96 delegates there are several parents, some with small children at home.

Therefore, although the participants in this unique gathering are often referred to as “Synod Fathers and Mothers,” it is also true that several of them are fathers and mothers of the Synod.

The new dynamic has given rise to numerous colorful anecdotes, from synod fathers meeting and exchanging stories at the opening retreat, to a mother who introduced herself to the cardinals and bishops in her small group by showing photos of her children on her phone.

The inclusion of fathers and other non-bishops as voting members has also led some to question whether this meeting should properly be called a Synod of Bishops, and to question the weight of its final document.

Whatever the canonical status of the current assembly, the dads and moms who accepted Pope Francis’ invitation to attend the Synod are bringing a parental perspective to the deliberations, even as they exercise their parental role from a distance.

Raising children during the Synod

For some of these parents, continuing to be involved in family life while in Rome means not only dealing with busy schedules, but also significant time differences.

Kelly Paget, one of Oceania’s 10 non-bishopric delegates, knows this well. His home in Broken Bay, Australia, north of Sydney, is nine hours away from the Vatican.

Paget, 41, is grateful that the Synod’s coffee breaks (she calls them “tea breaks”) coincide with the time her three children — ages 13, 10 and 6 — go to bed. , allowing you to participate in your bedtime routine.

“I can have a video call with my family, say night prayers with my husband and children, and say goodbye to them when my husband puts them to bed,” said Paget, chancellor of the Diocese of Broken Bay.

Similarly, José Manuel De Urquidi takes advantage of the moments when his schedule and that of his family coincide to talk with his three children, ages 10, 7 and 4, in Dallas, Texas (United States). He talks to them while they go to school (during the Synod lunch break), and then on the way back home (just before he goes to sleep in Rome).

De Urquidi, originally from Mexico and one of the non-bishopric delegates of Latin America, talks to his children about his “best and worst moments” and what they are learning in school. Since he cannot join the nightly prayers with his family, he uses the afternoon call to ask them why they are grateful to God and how they helped someone at school that day.

The 40-year-old also talks to his wife when he leaves the Synod classroom in Rome each night at 7:40 p.m. They talk about family logistics, make decisions together, and he also listens to her and supports her with any challenges she may be facing. at home.

“This is important, very important,” stressed De Urquidi, founder and CEO of Juan Diego Network, a network of Catholic podcasts for Latinos.

Baseball games, choir concerts and other important moments in children’s lives don’t stop while the synod fathers are in Rome, something De Urquidi pointed out in a recent social media post.

“As a family man, it has been a challenge,” he wrote. “There is no reason to deny it. On the contrary”.

So the delegates try to participate in their children’s lives from afar as best they can.

Deacon Geert De Cubber, 50, was not at home in Belgium when the second of his three children (aged 22, 21 and 19) had a birthday earlier this month, but he still made sure to mark the occasion .

“We had a long and pleasant conversation on the phone, talking about normal things between father and son,” said the deacon of the Diocese of Ghent, a member of the European delegation at the synod.

Discernment to assist

Parents at the Synod recognize the difficulties of being away from home for a month, but they knew what they were facing when they decided to attend.

The four who spoke with him National Catholic Register They shared that it took serious discernment to decide whether attending Rome made sense for them and their families.

Deacon De Cubber said that before making the decision to attend, he had a “family synod” with his wife and three children. They all encouraged him to go, but if one of them had not done so, he says: “I wouldn’t be in Rome right now.”

“It’s that simple: my first calling is my marriage and my family. Every other commitment comes from that.”

For Sabov, from Berehove in western Ukraine, the decision was even more complex because of the war with Russia, which “has become part of our lives.” As the wife of a Greek Catholic priest, Father Viktor, she also plays a key role in her parish community.

But Sabov spoke with her husband and children, ages 15, 13 and 9, and they all agreed that the Synod was an important opportunity for her to represent not only Ukraine, but also the Greek Catholic eparchy of Mukačevo to which she belongs. .

“It is a responsibility, an important mission and an honor for me,” he said. Register.

For Paget, from Australia, it was her husband, Chris, who helped her be open to the possibility of participating in the Synod, encouraging her to “say yes, and if you have to be there, we will make it work.”

When she discovered that Pope Francis had selected her to participate, her reaction was so emotional that her “husband thought someone had died.”

Paget said she misses her children and husband intensely, but the help of her parents and in-laws, who care for her family at home, has made things easier.

“I am very blessed that my children do not lack love or attention,” she said.

Parental counseling

Although it is difficult to be away from your children, parents at the Synod believe they have something different to contribute and are grateful to have been included.

Paget has made an effort to share how her son’s “unique gift, which comes from living with autism, can be particularly challenging in the Church environment.”

“I have tried to be as vulnerable as possible to share my story in the hope that it can help many others who long to feel welcome in their parish communities,” he told the Register.

Deacon De Cubber noted that being a father involves “knowing what it is to discern together,” a central consideration in the Synod’s discussion of greater listening in Church governance.

“A family—the smallest possible community of faith—is a small Synod, you could say,” commented the Belgian deacon. “That experience of family discernment can be brought to the Synod by all parents.”

Sabov has been honored to share her unique perspective as an Eastern Catholic, and to emphasize “the importance of supporting family values ​​in the Church community.”

In fact, one of the most applauded moments of this year’s session of the Synod occurred when a mother asked for more focus on improving the Christian initiation of young children.

Renee Köhler Ryan, an Australian philosopher, Synod delegate and mother of five, commented to Register in last year’s session that parental involvement provides bishops with useful information about “what is happening within the domestic Church.” But if the gathering, which Köhler Ryan described as more of an “Assembly of the People of God” than a proper Synod of Bishops, aspires to be truly representative, she believes organizers should add more “ordinary Catholics” to the group.

Of course, it is also true that the mothers and fathers of the Synod receive something from the experience they bring back home.

For Sabov, it has been the daily words of support and prayer for Ukraine from his fellow delegates, including cardinals and bishops from around the world, that have left the strongest impression.

Deacon De Cubber hopes his time in Rome will be a blessing to his children.

“For me, the synod is a visible testimony of the work of the Holy Spirit in the Church today,” he said. “I hope and pray that I am able to bring that experience home.”

Translated and adapted by the ACI Prensa team. Originally published in National Catholic Register.