Priests who are experts in marriage and family formation and a married couple who have been married for 17 years shared with ACI Prensa some advice and keys about the marital vocation.
1. The gift of the Holy Spirit
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Father José Noriega, of the Disciples of the Hearts of Jesus and Mary Congregation, was a professor at the Pontifical John Paul II Institute for the Sciences of Marriage and Family.
In conversation with ACI Prensa, this Spanish priest explained that, through marriage vows, one receives “the newness of the Holy Spirit”, that which “transforms his conjugal love into conjugal charity.”
With this reception, the spouses begin “a path of sanctification”, in which “they not only give each other their love, affection and company, but also the Holy Spirit, that expands their hearts more and more, preparing them for the definitive gift in heaven“.
Furthermore, he highlighted that “the conjugal union consummates, brings to its fullness the gift received in their marriage, and thus becomes a source of new graces that will allow them to face with vigor their vocation and marital mission, especially in the generation and education of children.” “.
2. Learn the language of love
Father Juan José Pérez Soba, professor of Family Pastoral Care at the Pontifical John Paul II Theological Institute for the Sciences of Marriage and Family, offers 3 pieces of advice to couples preparing for marriage.
First, it highlights the importance of learning the “language of love.” “God speaks to us in the way in which each man can understand him, which is through human love.“.
For Father Pérez Soba, it is “sin and our hard hearts” that prevent “this language from being clear to us. Therefore, now we have to learn it. It means that love is a gift that we ask for throughout our lives and at the same time.” that we must respond with totality, with soul and body, in the fidelity that he asks of us.”
“Affective illiteracy prevents us from understanding it and causes life to be lived fragmented,” he highlights.
3. Let yourself be taught by Christ
The second piece of advice from Father Pérez Soba is to value the importance of “letting yourself be taught.” “One of the biggest difficulties in dating today is an intimacy that locks one into a closed relationship, which does not see communication with others as a way to enrich oneself.”
“Learning to love requires help, and the Master of Love can teach them, who is Jesus Christ. Thus it becomes present between the two as a source that always renews love, to share with other couples on a catechumenal and ecclesial path.”
4. Time takes nothing away from love
Father Pérez Soba also highlights that “time does not take away or give anything to love,” but rather “it shows us its vitality.”
“If it is a true love, it knows how to grow and generate life, It is a love that matures and sees in difficulties a path to a deeper love.. If it is only superficial, it dries up and disappears without knowing how.”
According to the priest, this wisdom of time “can be communicated by experienced couples in a process of accompaniment.”
“It is God who wishes that beautiful and forever love to every couple.
This is how they prepare not for the wedding, but for life, and not for the marriage ceremony, but for married life,” he emphasizes.
4. Marriage as a vocation
Sergio Lázaro Rey and Carmen Gallardo Pérez from Madrid have been married for 17 years and have 4 children. They have completed the specialty of Family Pastoral Care at the Pontifical John Paul II Theological Institute for Marriage and Family Sciences.
From their experience, they wanted to convey to all those couples who look to the future hoping to one day unite their lives forever, that marriage “is a vocation.”
“The common vocation of all Christians is that we are called to love. Spouses in a particular way are called to this love in a marital union. This union is in God’s plan for human beings from ‘the beginning,'” they say.
5. Early preparation
Catholic spouses also point out that one of the great shortcomings that young Christians have Today it is the lack of preparation for this sacrament.
“We are not referring to the immediate preparation consisting of a series of talks when the bride and groom have already decided that they are going to get married, but to a preparation from the beginning of the courtship, an early preparation.”
For Sergio and Carmen, “future spouses are called to love, but the world does not know this love and proposes models and behaviors that, many times, do not help build that love, but quite the opposite.”
6. Accompaniment during courtship
According to this married couple, for “21st century couples, support during courtship is necessary.”
“They need Christian couples by their side to help them throughout this time, showing them the true beauty of marriage, but also its demands. They need couples by their side to guide and support them.”
They highlight that, often, “it is not understood that for a ‘priestly order’ years and years of preparation are required and for the sacrament of marriage the Church leaves the couple alone, ‘adrift’, moving according to the ‘ocean current’.” ‘ of the moment or wherever the wind takes them.
“We would tell the bride and groom: ‘Don’t be alone! Look for those couples that help you and serve as a north star to live your courtship! and later also your spousal union!'”.
The President of the Person and Family Association, Father Juan de Dios Larru, also highlighted in conversation with ACI Prensa the importance of the couple being accompanied.
Although he assured that there are no “magic recipes”, he insisted that “it is very necessary for the couple to walk and mature with other couples. That the group of couples is encouraged by a young couple is usually also very beneficial, since courtship and the first years of marriage are in a deep relationship.
“In this sense, I like to repeat to the bride and groom that phrase from the Liverpool anthem: ‘You’ll never walk alone’.”
7. Communication
Carmen and Sergio also emphasize the importance of “spending time together to talk, talk, talk. Talk about each other and discover how the other person perceives the future. In short: get to know each other“.
“Be clear that the person you are in love with wants to give their entire life for you, according to God’s plan for every marriage. Be sure that your boyfriend/girlfriend has the firm intention of being with you forever, and that will be able to die for the other. By dying we mean making the ‘I’ disappear and the ‘we’ being born.”
Likewise, they explain that talking about “future children” is also important, and being clear that the person with whom you are dating is open to receiving the children that God wants to give them and educating them in the faith. “Many marriages break up because they are not able to recognize fatherhood as a gift and a task.”
“All this must be discussed to be able to discern whether to move forward, since courtship is a time of transit, which only has one purpose: marriage.”
8. Live faith together
From their experience, Carmen and Sergio also recommend starting to live the faith together and highlight the importance of approaching the Eucharist. “Whenever possible, try not to go to Mass separately, but rather celebrate Sunday side by side.“.
“Other practices are also recommended, for example, Eucharistic Adoration, where side by side, before the Lord, you put your concerns, your desires, your future together.”
9. Learn the spousal meaning of the body
For Father Juan de Dios Larru, professor of Moral Theology at the San Dámaso University of Madrid, it is necessary “to learn to recognize the spousal meaning of the body.”
“On the path of courtship, it is very decisive to learn to recognize that the sexual body has been created to love and be loved. This meaning comes from the Creator, who has inscribed it in the flesh and asks to be discovered with gratitude and wonder, as well as recognized and matured.”
Furthermore, he clarifies that “this capacity for donation, for giving to the other, must grow and mature in courtship until love becomes truly conjugal.”
10. Love faithfully and fruitfully
The priest also points out that “fidelity and fertility are two essential notes of true love.”
He highlights that “To be faithful is not to endure stoically, but rather to respond in an always new way to the request for the truth of love.“.
“Generativity is inseparable from fertility, which is not reduced to fertility, but rather involves learning to discover that mutual giving is open to children who may come, opening the future for others.”
This, for Father Larru, “requires learning to die to oneself, to selfishness, to recognize that life is greater than oneself, and to have the beautiful experience that there is a disproportion between what one offers and what one one receives, in the growing logic of superabundance.”
Finally, he highlighted that “Christ and the Church are always the permanent frame of reference for experiencing courtship.”
“The Eucharist and Penance are, from this point of view, the spring from which to nourish oneself and the door to pass through to purify love with God’s forgiveness,” he concludes.
Almudena Martínez-Bordiú
I am a graduate in Journalism and Advertising from the CEU San Pablo University in Madrid. Specialized in religious information in Spain since 2015. I have been a senior correspondent for ACI Prensa and EWTN Noticias in the Vatican for two years and I am currently a European correspondent based in Spain.